Tag Archives: jokes

JET LAG IS FOR WOOSIES!

I’m sorry Indy but I have to vent.  I just woke up an hour before my flight to the Hoosier State lands.  After 15 years of flying to gigs, you’d think I could figure out how to be passed out the entire flight.

I’ve tried reading the magazines in the pouch in front of me but all they have is Sky Mall. I think that’s one of my goals in life:  To be wealthy enough to shop out of Sky Mall magazine.  So to kill time and land with a good attitude, I thought I would dump this shi_ on you’re plate.

I have the computer on my lap because the seat in front of me is reclined back so far my computer won’t fit on the tray table. My ass is numb from trying to find a position to sleep. And somebody in close proximity is passing gas that would make a pig’s knees buckle. I know it’s not something she ate on the plane because THEY DON’T GIVE YOU ANY DAMN FOOD!  They didn’t even give us those awesome “Biscoff” cookies.

Anyway, something strange happened. There were three people in my row when I went to sleep. I woke and there were two. Either I was snoring or she couldn’t take intermittent stank.  Unfortunately, I think I know the real reason. She had the middle seat and the person to her left was a bit of a biggins.  That brings me to this. When are the airlines gonna have a big people section?  I can deal with the kids.  I have noise canceling headphones thanks to Dr. Dre.  Now all he has to do is come up with headphones that make big people smaller. Not permanently, just for the flight.  Because we need big people in every day life. For things like…

you know what?   Lets move on to something else.

Hell I don’t even remember where I was going with all this crap. Sorry about that, I didn’t take my A.D.D. meds before I left this morning.  I guess what I wanna say is dealing with all this crap getting to Indy is worth it.  You may not know it, but I am from Wisconsin.   HOW”> ‘BOUT THOSE PACKERS!!!!! Sorry ‘bout that outburst.  I have a great appreciation for people in the Midwest in general. We’re tough! We hunt, we wear only a sweater in sub-zero temps, and we have outdoor football stadiums.  OOPS… sorry Indy.  But I don’t hold that against you. I know you’re tough. Indiana has a small private school that almost took down Duke in the NCAA tourney, you are one of the top states to represent our military per capita, and you refuse to change you’re clocks. THAT IS BAD ASS!

Well Indianians, my flight is about to land. Thanks for letting me vent. I can only pay you back by making you laugh. So come out to the show this week and I will do my part. This club has a special place in my heart. Cracker’s Downtown is the first club that I ever headlined some 12 years ago.

Hope you make it!

Sincerely,

Scott

{Scott Henry performs this week!  Make your reservation now!}


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How D’you Do That?!

If you’ve every wondered how the comic geniuses that grace our stage every week com up with those side-splitting jokes, then you’ll want to come to Crackers Downtown Thursday February 3rd and see Pat Godwin!  After his show Thursday night, he’ll be fielding some Q&A and giving some insight on how he comes up with his comedic songs like “Gangsta Folk” and .  So if you’re an aspiring comic yourself, or are just interested in the behind-the-scenes mind of a comedic genius, then make your reservation for Thursday night, downtown, for pat Godwin’s show!  Call 317-255-4211 and tell them you’re staying for the Pat Godwin after-show!

Plus, Thursday night is College ID night! Show us a college ID and get in for $5! So, no excuses, get off your but and come see us downtown Thursday night!


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Fix the Joke!

We’re welcoming the awesome and effervescent Bob Zany to our Crackers Comedy Club stage in Broad Ripple January 19-22!  You’ll readily recognize him from the Bob & Tom Show, and maybe you saw him in a little film called The Informant!

Zany has an awesome game he likes to call Fix the Joke (click the link to see some examples!) and we’re bringing it to you here on our blog.  Test your skills of humor & wit and see what you can come up with for these jokes below.

1. Pick one of the three jokes below to FIX; make it your own – make it FUNNIER!

2. Submit your fix below and you must include:

  1. Your name
  2. Your Phone number
  3. Your email address
  4. The OLD joke
  5. YOUR new, funnier, fixed joke!

3.  Bob Zany himself will pick the BEST re-worked joke, and that entrant will win TWO PAIRS OF TICKETS to see him Friday night!

We have prizes for some runners up as well, so give it your best shot!

JOKES TO FIX:

  • Barack Obama introduced Senator Joe Biden as his running mate via text message to his supporters. Not to be outdone, John McCain will announce his VP pick later this week via telegraph and carrier pigeon.
  • Rosie O’Donnell says she’s planning to co-star in a sitcom with Fran Drescher. Possible titles for the show include, “The Annoying Couple,” “Make Room for Fatty,” and “Father Knows Best.”
  • Tampa Bay, Florida:  An adult film actress has organized the first ever Porn Camp, where amateurs go to learn their craft. The camp’s slogan is, “We’ll make you s’mores and whores.”
  • Dateline–Denver, Colorado John Denver’s classic song, “Rocky Mountain High,” has been chosen as the state’s second official song, beating out Eric Clapton’s “Cocaine,” by two votes.

*jokes taken from www.bobzany.com*

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We’ve got your Christmas, right here…

{If you’re still looking for the PERFECT gift, even last-minute, you’ll find what you need at Crackers Comedy Club!  Give the gift of laughter with our gift certificates!}

If bad weather cancels your travel plans – or, you didn’t have any to begin with – spend a night with Crackers Comedy Club this week!  Crackers is open this Wednesday and Thursday for a special Holiday show with legendary “show-biz man”, Matt Holt!  Matt Clemens, Brent Terhune, and Cam O’Connel are his guests as they launch you into your Christmas weekend the best way they know how….well, we’ll see if they know how or not…


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Homegrown Talent (or…Loco Locals!)

We’re definitely aware of the side-splittingly funny local comics we have right here in Indianapolis.  They reside in our little communities, like Broad Ripple, Fountain Square, and the notorious West Side, and more and every week they get up on stage and represent.  But we got to thinking, maybe YOU don’t know that!

You’ve read about comedian Jeff Oskay last week in NUVO Newsweekly and came out to see him perform in Broad Ripple.

(sorry, a little old clip!)

But it doesn’t stop there!

You can catch great local comics like Jeff every week at Crackers!  Starting with Open Mic Night on Tuesday nights!  You’ll see veterans like Marques Bunn and Matt Holt, as well as rookies; plus some great regional talent, and often a big name surprise or two!

Marques Bunn:

Matt Holt:
http://www.rooftopcomedy.com/watch/TheStrawThatBrokeTheCamelsBack

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Matt Clemens:

Deaf Comedian Extraordinaire Dave Showers:

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The incredible edible podcaster Brent Terhune:

The best part?  You can see Open Mic night FREE – just CLICK HERE for a super coupon!   And while you may be Black Friday’d out and recovering from Cyber Monday, you’re not done shopping YET!  Don’t forget to SHOP LOCAL – and the best way to do that?  Give the gift of comedy!  That’s right, purchase Crackers Comedy Club gift certificates for your friends, family, and co-workers this Christmas!  They’ll laugh WITH you, not AT you.  Visit one of our clubs or call 317-255-4211.

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Dan Cummins: Broad Ripple Sept. 29 – Oct. 2

Welcome to a fresh edition of the Green Room!

I had the pleasure of catching up and chatting with Broad Ripple’s headlining comic Dan Cummins (September 29 – October 2).  If you’re not already familiar with his ire-hilarity, you’ll surely recognize him from his Comedy Central special Crazy with a Capital F, which re-aired this past Friday night.   You can check out clips from this special and more here:

Dan’s no slouch.  He’s one of those comics that’s constantly creating, and he’s multi-talented;  just check out his camera-ops work AND his newsanchor skills in Fresh”> off the Pot!

On top of writing and testing hours of new material each week, a busy tour schedule, and crafting genius short stories for a book, Dan’s also hard at work pitching show ideas to the network big-wigs at the History Channel, Spike TV, and more!

With all this teasing, I’m sure your ready to see Dan this week, right?  Well we’re giving you a chance to win a set of 4 tickets to any show you choose!  Just pitch us one of your greatest ideas ever! That’s right, tell us YOUR idea for an incredibly poignant/funny/obtuse/or not-really-relevant TV show!  Reply in the comment section below.  Dan himself will pick the winner, so be sure to include an email so we can get in touch with you!

YOU CAN STALK DAN CUMMINS HERE:

http://www.facebook.com/dancumminscomedy

http://www.youtube.com/dancummins

http://www.dancummins.tv/

http://twitter.com/d_cummins

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